It’s time to sound off on the resoundingly bad movies of 2022. The nominees for the 2023 Razzies have been released, and there are some definitively bad movies in the running. So, as a crap cinema connoisseur, it seems only fitting that we take our time and see if our nose can sniff out the pick of the litter in each category. So, without further ado, here is our predictions for the 2023 Razzies:

Worst Picture

• Blonde
• Disney’s Pinocchio
• Good Mourning
• The King’s Daughter
• Morbius

Our pick

• Disney’s Pinocchio

It’s hard to go against Blonde, the film that leads the Razzies this year (8 nominations), but considering that the film is a “biopic” of Marilyn Monroe, and Ana De Armas has been receiving a lot of praise for her work in the role, I don’t see how this walks away with the award. It’s hard to imagine Morbius not walking away with this one, seeing as how it holds the distinction of bombing TWICE in the theaters. However, our reason for picking Pinocchio is two-fold on this one; 1) In a year where the same movie came out twice, and Guillermo Del Toro showed that you can do something inspiringly new with an old property, this one definitely falls short of the mark, and 2) I’m not a huge fan of rehashing old Disney properties into live action films. While the CGI does look good, I would love to see Disney create new properties rather than repackage their old stuff.

Worst Actor

• Machine Gun Kelly – Good Mourning
• Pete Davidson – Marmaduke
• Tom Hanks – Disney’s Pinocchio
• Jared Leto – Morbius
• Sylvester Stallone – Samaritan

Our Pick

• Jared Leto – Morbius

There were a lot of problems with Morbius, and in fairness to the filmmakers, many of them were out of their hands. Morbius was supposed to release in 2020, so there was already a feeling of “oh yeah, completely forgot about that” when it came out. That said, Leto bears a lot of the weight for how this movie played out. We have covered this film before, and while his pre-Morbin’ Time acting wasn’t horrible, the script did him no favours.

Worst Actress

• Ryan Kiera Armstrong – Firestarter
• Bryce Dallas Howard – Jurassic World: Dominion
• Diane Keaton – Mack & Rita
• Kaya Scodelario – The King’s Daughter
• Alicia Silverstone – The Requin

Our Pick

• Alicia Silverstone – The Requin

First off, there should be a rule…no one under the age of at least 16 should ever be nominated for a Razzie. I don’t care how bad the movie or their portrayal of a character in that movie is. Kids should be off limits. There are too many tragic tales of young Hollywood that the Razzies should rescind this nomination. As for Alicia Silverstone, she may just be a victim of a poorly-done movie, but it definitely doesn’t help her case. If the movie looks “Asylum” quality, it almost guarantees a spot here. Silverstone deserves better than this flick.

UPDATE: As of January 26, the Razzies have admitted that it was in bad taste and judgment to nominate Ryan Kiera Armstrong for the award, and have also put in an age restriction for acting noms of 18 years old and up. Kudos to the Razzies for this!

Worst Remake/Rip-Off/Sequel

• Blonde
• BOTH 365 Days sequels
• Disney’s Pinocchio
• Firestarter
• Jurassic World: Dominion

Our Pick

• Disney’s Pinocchio

As mentioned before, there is no need for two Pinocchio films to come out in the same year. Disney could have held on to this and released it at a later time, but instead chose to go head-to-head with Del Toro’s remake. As much as people want to jump on Jurassic World: Dominion here, you knew exactly what you were signing up for when you bought that ticket.

Worst Supporting Actress

• Adria Arjona – Morbius
• Lorraine Bracco – Disney’s Pinocchio
• Penelope Cruz – The 355
• Bingbing Fan – The 355 & The King’s Daughter
• Mira Sorvino – Lamborghini: The Man Behind The Legend

Our Pick

• Adria Arjona – Morbius

I have a hard time seeing how anyone can get nominated for a Razzie for a voice-only role. They’re not there, and the animation is based around their voice, instead of the other way around. Adria Arjona, on the other hand, was on screen in a role that deserved to be written much better. I think Adria is a great actress, and deserves so much better than this. However, Morbin’ Time strikes yet again.

Worst Supporting Actor

• Pete Davidson – Good Mourning
• Tom Hanks – Elvis
• Xavier Samuel – Blonde
• Mod Sun – Good Mourning
• Evan Williams – Blonde

Our Pick

• Tom Hanks – Elvis

As much as it pains me to think of Tom Hanks winning a Razzie, this one is well deserved. From the moment I heard his accent in the trailer for the film, I couldn’t ignore how bad it comes across. Seriously, did someone not hear this on set and go “maybe we should try something a little less RP”? This film deserves the accolades it gets for Austin Butler’s performance…and the “accolades” it will get for Hanks’ as well.

Worst Screen Couple

• Machine Gun Kelly & Mod Sun – Good Mourning
• Both real life characters in the White House Bedroom Scene – Blonde
• Tom Hanks and his Latex-Laden Face – Elvis
• Andrew Dominik and his issues with women – Blonde
• The two 365 Days sequels

Our Pick

• The two 365 Days sequels

It’s not like people even liked the first one, so why go back to the poisoned well for more? When you consider the backlash Netflix has gotten for the projects that they HAVE cut, why pump out more crap onto the dung heap?

Worst Director

• Judd Apatow – The Bubble
• Machine Gun Kelly & Mod Sun – Good Mourning
• Andrew Dominik – Blonde
• Daniel Espinosa – Morbius
• Robert Zemeckis – Disney’s Pinocchio

Our Pick

• Daniel Espinosa – Morbius

First off, The Bubble was great. Don’t you dare besmirch that film with this nomination. Also, for any of Disney’s Pinocchio’s faults, directing is not one of them. When it comes to Morbius, there was so much juggling with this film (studio interference, to Spider-man or not to Spider-man, etc.), that Daniel Espinosa never stood a chance. However, if the award could be given to Sony for their meddling in the final product, that would be more deserving.

Worst Screenplay

• Blonde
• Disney’s Pinocchio
• Good Mourning
• Jurassic World: Dominion
• Morbius

Our Pick

• Morbius

Once again, Sony attempts to try to create their own cinematic universe by shoehorning these films in and trying to make it all make sense. Venom was one thing and can be defended. This gets the “tried to hard” award. Honestly, if Kraven suffers a same fate, please tell Sony to give all their toys to Marvel and go away.

Who do you think will win? Let us know in the comments below!